HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN and MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

[Lance]

How to Speak about Women and be Politically Correct

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -

She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."


2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -

She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."


3. She is not "EASY" -

She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."


4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -

She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION

SUPERHIGHWAY."


5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -

She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."


6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" -

She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."


7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -

She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"


8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -

She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED"


9. She does not "NAG" you -

She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."


10. She is not a "TRAMP" -

She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."


11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -

She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."


12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -

She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."




HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -

He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."


2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -

He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."


3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -

He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."


4. He is not "BALDING" -

He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."


5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -

He prefers"GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."


6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -

He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."


7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ***" -

He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."


8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -

He has"SWINE EMPATHY."


9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -

He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."


10. He is not "HORNY" -

He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."


11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -

It's "REAR CLEAVAGE".