Nothing like a smart *** to cheer up your day...
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, is why we now have the pleasure
of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct........leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
Hell Explained! This is a funny read. Long but worth it.
Re: Hell Explained! This is a funny read. Long but worth it.
[color=#0040FF]"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid."
-John Wayne[/color]
-John Wayne[/color]
- jack morris
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 6:56 pm
- Location: Valley Springs, CA
Re: Hell Explained! This is a funny read. Long but worth it.
Thank you for the best laugh I have had in a long time. Jack
aka jackbasssr ,old half of team JACKBASS
- BassManDan
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:32 pm
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Re: Hell Explained! This is a funny read. Long but worth it.
I wish I was smart enough to write those sort of things on my tests
Now where to I find Teresa
Now where to I find Teresa
BassManDan - 1997 Stratos 295 Pro Elite
"In the spirit of akido, sh-sh-sh-shaaa."
-Dale Gribble from TV's "King of the Hill"
"It would be the best of all possible worlds were it not for religion."
- John Adams, 1776
"In the spirit of akido, sh-sh-sh-shaaa."
-Dale Gribble from TV's "King of the Hill"
"It would be the best of all possible worlds were it not for religion."
- John Adams, 1776
Re: Hell Explained! This is a funny read. Long but worth it.
You are stuck with hairy smelly women for now DanBassManDan wrote:I wish I was smart enough to write those sort of things on my tests
Now where to I find Teresa
Re: Hell Explained! This is a funny read. Long but worth it.
Very funny, and right on in my way of thinking.
Now, that is funny.*NM*
Last edited by Bassinlee on Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Hell Explained! This is a funny read. Long but worth it.
oh man, that is the best.milehi wrote:Very funny, and right on in my way of thinking.
A++!
Why men make lousy advice columnists.
Men make lousy advice columnists. This is why:
Dear Uncle Neville,
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.
I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him any more.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Neville
Dear Uncle Neville,
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.
I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him any more.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Neville
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