A Little Humor From Across The Pond

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JJCJR
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A Little Humor From Across The Pond

Postby JJCJR » Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:41 am

My good friend Roger from Talmidge, England and I share fishing stories back and forth from time to time. Here is a brief look at the English side of humor:

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Drums.

I sat on the bus the other morning opposite a stunning beautiful Thai gal.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get aroused, please don't get aroused...
...but she did.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, but I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
You can work to Death a Dyson if you really have to.

Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

Two friends are fishing near a bridge.
uddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up,
takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on,
sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says,
" Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "
Dave replies,
" Well we were married for nearly 20 years "

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a labrador."
"I'd think twice before doing that" says Mick
"have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know?
He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest male organ she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg"

A man walks into a welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.
The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from?
You sound English", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously.
"What do you do, just across the Severn ?", "I'm a taxidermist."
"What on earth is one of those?", "I mount animals."
"Its alright boys," shouts the barman he's one of us.

Spent £40 on eBay last week for a male organ enlarger.
Just opened the package and those wise guys sent me a magnifying glass!

I saw some poor, old lady slip and fall on the ice the other day!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks have you ever been bedridden?
She says yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine that is until it came to the prostrate exam!
Do you think I should change dentists?

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