That's When the fight started

[Greg_Cornish]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight
started.
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when
the fight started.

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked m e for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I
opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And then the
fight started.....
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my
old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!'
says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?' And then the fight started..... ********** *
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my
car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down
at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the
fight started.....

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please. He
said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for
herself.' And that's how the fight started